Yeah, okay, I know, I’ve talked mood swings and what autism can do with them. But it’s like the world – remember, having autism is like playing a game where you don’t know any of the rules but everyone thinks you do so no one bothers to tell you any of them and you have to work them out on your own. Think like you’re playing Monopoly and because you didn’t know you could buy properties, you lose all your money because everyone else bought all the properties before you got the idea of how the game worked.
Moods seem to work the same way. You think you’re okay for about ten minutes, but then you’re ticked off and mad and you don’t even know why. Most people get these mood swings as teenagers, but autism triggers major ones over and over, with the usual triggers – struggling to act like everyone else, socializing all day and half the night too, and (well, this might just be for me) starving and not allowed to eat one of the doughnuts being sold not three feet away. Or the authentic pizza further down the street. Or the gelato at the next stall – seriously, if you ever have a chance to get down to Newmarket during the Italian festival and you like food, go.
But me? I had a banana for breakfast and was extremely hungry by the time I got to Newmarket. I got my food (nothing Italian, but I still had some lunch), but I was still moody all day. The skirt at Allanah Hill didn’t suit, I didn’t have time to try on the denim dress in Seed, I put the wrong indicator on at Hatfields, I started making dinner far too early. And maybe, just maybe, none of those things would’ve happened if I hadn’t spent the whole of yesterday trying to be pleasant and chatty and tolerant. Maybe if I hadn’t been dicing capsicums and singing Disney songs, I would’ve been more alive. That’s my problem. I can be life and soul of the party when I want to be, but I forget that it always puts me in a bad mood later on.
How am I going to learn how to stop being one extreme or the other? Well, join me next week. Hopefully, I’ll have found the answer.